The Lone Heart's Journal
by Transient Tears
Summary: AU/Canon. When Ruka saw a journal and read its contents... he felt the pain of the writer. The question is... who was the writer?


Prompt: Roughly based from the song, Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri.  
>Genre: AngstRomance  
>Rating: Up to you.<br>Length: Oneshot! XD  
>Special Request: If that'd be alright, just not a songfic. Cause...just because! XD<p>

Dedicated to: Ria Lee (my daughter)

**WARNING:: **Pure AU and OOCness up ahead!

-x-

The Lone Heart's Journal

_by: Transient Tears ©_

-x-

"Darn, Hotaru ran off again," Ruka said. "She's always like that."

The reason why he said that was simple, it was their turn to clean the classroom and as always, Hotaru ran off. She did leave Amanatsu to help him but the devil herself didn't like to be with him. How long has it been since they've known each other? If he hadn't mistaken, it had been two years, and two years of misery on the hands of the ice queen.

"Amanatsu, are you done?" Ruka walked to where Amanatsu was. She was holding a notebook with weird designs. "What is that?"

He took the notebook from her and looked at it carefully. It was obviously a journal or a diary of their classmate. But who? Oh well, there was only one way to find out.

-x-

Ruka, who had found the notebook, went to his room to take a peek at it. It was not his character to look at other people's belongings but somehow the notebook spoke to him. Like it was waiting for him. He could feel it, the emotions residing within the notebook. And so he opened it and read its contents.

_January 20, xxxx_

_What does "lone" mean? The townspeople always call me that. What does it mean? I know that I'm always alone but does "lone" mean alone? I better check the library tomorrow after I finish my work._

From the look of the date and the handwriting, it was definitely from a girl. And the first quarter of the book was about the girl's struggle when she was young.

_February 14, xxxx_

_How long has it been since I earned the title "Lone Heart"? And how many Valentine's day have passed? Forget about that since starting tomorrow they won't call me that! I have good news! I can't believe that he likes me, too. Now, I sound like a love struck girl, so not my character._

_Anyway, he confessed to me and asked me to be his girlfriend. It was so unusual since today is Valentine's day and girls were supposed to be the one confessing and not boys. Oh well, they'll stop calling me "Lone Heart"._

"Lone heart? Who is that?"

_March 30, xxxx_

_We've been together for two years now, I can't believe that our relationship would last that long. He's a playboy before but we're still together. He must have really loved me._

_Just last week, my friend told me that she saw him with another girl. I don't believe her since he told me today that he has something important to tell me next month. I wonder what it is._

"Everything that's written here is about the girl's journey of love," little did Ruka know that he might be wrong after he read everything.

_April 14, xxxx_

_Today is our monthsary and this is the day I've been waiting for. He has something important to tell me. I mean, we've been together for two years and he might propose to me today. Even though we're still young, just barely sixteen._

_I'm going to tell you all about it later._

"There's nothing really good about this. Full of fluffs."

_April 15, xxxx_

_Why? Why did he leave me? There's nothing wrong with me, right? But why? He said that he doesn't really love me, that he was only using me to get his ex-girlfriend back. What my friend said was true. Why didn't I believe her? I'm such a fool. People are wrong, not all geniuses are really genius. If I were really a genius, I should've known better than to trust my love to that man._

_Tears? Why am I crying? He's a bastard, and bastards don't deserve tears. He doesn't deserve my precious tears but… but I really love him. He was the first person who understood me. I really believed that he loved me. I'm really such a fool._

_I want to die! I hate life! I hate this feeling… this feeling called "love"._

"What the hell?" Ruka rarely ever curse but somehow he really hated the guy mentioned in this journal. It seemed like he knew the person who owned this, and that she was really important to him.

_May 22, xxxx_

_It had been a month since he left and I still haven't forgotten him… his nice, strong voice whenever he calls my name… his soft hands and fingers whenever we would walk together hand-in-hand. As much as I hate it, I still remember his… fake love._

_It really does suit me. That word they called "lone" and "alone"… I will always be alone. No one to love me, no one to sweetly call my name, and no one to fully understand me. Why is it that every time I write here about him, tears would always come out? Why? I really hate life._

_I wish I didn't accept his confession, that way I could still avoid this painful feeling. Love is a risk and I took that risk because I thought that we were meant to be together. Crying won't help me but I can't stop._

-x-

_June 17, xxxx_

_Two months had passed… and I'm still not able to move on. How many liters of tears had I shed for him? Two? Three? Or maybe more… I don't want to know. I'm such a masochist. Why? Even how much I tell myself everyday to forget him, I always ended up remembering the good times we had. Why?_

_And I'm hurting myself by always looking at him, even if he's together with his girlfriend. If only Acheron were true, someone must have appointed me to be its guardian. I'll be bathing in the river of pain._

_How many times have I cried in front of the sunset? A hundred, maybe. I already lost count and I don't plan to keep counting. If only someone would take away my life but I won't waste my life. I really am a masochist._

Ruka didn't know why but he suddenly burst to tears. Every day of the month was recorded in the journal, and every day of that girl was full of suffering.

_July 25, xxxx_

_Three months. And I've been suffering for three months. I couldn't bring myself to forget him… my world is full of his memories. I always dream of him… the way he touched me, the way he kissed me, and the way he called my name._

_How long do I need to suffer to forget him? How long do I need to bear this pain in my chest? How long do I need to keep crying because of him?_

-x-

_October 25, xxxx_

_What a sad birthday. There's no one to greet me "happy birthday" today… no one to give me presents… no one to give me kisses and there are no… warm hands to embrace me and tell me "I love you"._

_I will continue my plan… I will take away my life today. Goodbye, love._

"No!" Ruka shouted as if it he could stop the girl.

The page has dibs of bloods and she might have just taken her life but he knew that she didn't die. But also from that day the writing has stopped.

Ruka flipped the pages fast and looked for any writings until he finally saw one from the middle of the journal. He sighed and read the contents.

_May 14, xxxx_

_It had been a year since he left me and a half year since I tried committing a suicide and stopped writing here. Looks like I really am a masochist, I chose to hurt myself even more than stop the pain by dying. I'm the biggest fool in this world!_

_I saw him today, apparently he broke up with his girlfriend on the day of my birthday and ever since then he was looking for me. I moved because I thought that I could move on if I do that. He told me that he wanted me back. He realized that he really loves me and that he doesn't love his girlfriend… that I was the only one._

_I said no to him. I'm almost close to forgetting him. I know that I won't completely forget him because he had been a part of my life but it doesn't mean that I would welcome him in my life for the second time. He left beautiful memories but he also left a big scar on my heart. Someday… someone would heal this scar._

_But for now, let me cry my heart out… let me pour my feelings and be mixed with the salt water._

"I knew it. She didn't kill herself," Ruka sighed. He was planning to continue reading when his door was suddenly blown. "Hotaru?"

"Ruka, where is the journal?" Sure enough, it was Hotaru. Ruka looked at her and the journal on his hands. Hotaru, who was looking murderous, looked at his hands. "Give me that!"

"This is yours? I didn't know that—"

"I don't need your sympathy," she cut him off before he could say the rest. "It all happened in the past."

"Who was that bastard, Hotaru?" Ruka's tone changed from sympathetic to murderous. Hotaru looked at him and raised a brow. "I want to kill him for doing that to you."

"Why?"

Ruka looked at her and saw that her eyes were full of sorrow. She was different from the Hotaru they knew. She wasn't the Ice Queen, she was just… Hotaru. He reached out his hand to her and caught her in an embrace. He didn't know why he was acting like this but he was sure of one thing… he didn't want anyone to hurt her. He heard a sob escaped from her and he stroke her hair, as if it would lessen the pain.

"Why are you doing this, Ruka? We barely knew each other."

"You're correct but we've always been together since you moved to this school. I don't want you to be like this."

"I don't want to get hurt, Ruka. I don't want to experience something like that, again. I'm afraid… afraid that this time I won't be able to heal."

"I won't let you get hurt. I promise."

"He promised, too, but he broke it. There's no guarantee that I won't get hurt."

"Believe me and trust me. One false move and I ensure you that I'll be on my knees begging for your forgiveness."

_Blue and purple's love begins to unfold,_  
><em>Their passion seems to grow.<em>

-x-

_December 25, xxxx_

_It had been a year and a half since I took the risk, again. A year and a half since I believed in love for the second time. And… a year and half since Ruka kept his promises to me._

"Hotaru!" a voice called from the door of the cake shop. Ruka stood at the door and smiled at her.

_And up until now, our love remains strong._

"What are you doing?" he asked as he reached her table. "Writing on your journal?"

She glared at him and he backed away. Hotaru was indeed scary. But Ruka knew that his guess was right.

"Come on. Let's go to our favorite place."

-x-

The night breeze was calming, the smell of sea water brought peace to their senses. Ruka and Hotaru stood in front of the sea, letting their feet feel the soft sand and the water that had managed to creep up. They stood there, hand-in-hand, enjoying the view in front of them.

Hotaru's gaze was focused at the scenery but her mind wasn't. Her mind was focused on their hands, so when Ruka slipped his from hers, she looked at him and raised a brow.

Ruka looked at her and suddenly knelt in one knee, holding a ring in two hands. He looked at her and studied her expression, she was shocked for a moment but then she smiled.

"Will you marry me, Hotaru?"

_How many years will they stay together_  
><em>To prove their love is forever?<em>

-x-

At the last page of the journal, you could read a wonderful sentence.

_December 25, xxxx_

_It had been ten years, yet our love is still growing strong._

__-x-

_If you go to her home, nothing's there,_  
><em>Those are the things I've finally declared.<em>

-End-

Whew, I never thought that I could finish this today since I slacked off again. xD Well, my writing sucks and this story doesn't fit to be an angst. There are so many loopholes! Anyway, criticize it, 'kay? Thanks for reading!

Edited:: September 30, 2011

_~Transient Tears ©_

_[A/N: I still haven't edited it...again. We just need this one for something. XD Good luck to you, peeps! :)]_


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